Tuesday, July 5, 2011

A Series of Unfortunate Events That, Mercifully, Led to Tommy Gunn

WARNING: THIS POST IS FOREVER LONG AND WHINY (but there's a hopeful ending, I promise)

Sunday, June 26, 8pm: I am skyping my Jdub (think less evangelical proselyter, more snuggly aviator) when up comes the idea to have me fly out to AL to see Jdub in action. Sounds like a swell plan, no? I hop on the priceline. I plug in the dates. I enter the card information...wait, what? Card information? Wait, I just bought a flight? Ok, I just bought a flight. See you in a few, Jdub.

10pm: Oh, so the ticket I inadvertently just bought happens to be taking place during the worst times possible, like for instance, spanning the four-day period of my first test in Psychological Testing? And it leaves at 7:20am on a weekday? And all my close-enough-to-ask-for-a-ride-to-the-airport friends are out of town? Class dropped, shuttle service booked.

10:15pm: Oh, and the flight I accidentally bought doesn't even go to where Jdub resides, but instead to Atlanta, GA which is four hours away from where he is, which he is unable to reach for another 24 hours after I arrive, due to his strict flying school and flying schedule? Oh, and there are no buses going that route that day? Uh-huh, ok.

10:30pm: Oh, and I can't rent a car to drive there myself because I'm under 25 and they charge exhorbitant fees for that, not to mention they require a credit card which I don't possess, not to mention the base fare for renting a car is actually a million dollars? Uh-huh, yes, ok, going to bed now.

Monday, June 27, 7am: You mean there's not even ONE person looking for a carpool rider from Atlanta to Dothan according to erideshare.com? Oh, and all the people offering their couches to me via couchsurf.com look like they just busted out of the county pedophile unit? All right. And hitchhiking is NOT a good idea, right Ma? All right then, if you say so.

7:30am-10pm: Some stress.

10:30pm: Jdub, really, you don't have to buy a whole nother expensive plane ticket just to get me from Atlanta to Dothan. Really, there must be some other way, that's such a waste of money. No seriously, I can find a way to get there, it's only four hours I've always wanted to explore the deep south by foot ok sounds good, I owe you buddy, see ya then.

Wednesday, June 29, 12pm: That's cool, airplane. That's cool that you disregard the importance of connecting flights and instead feel inclined to taxi on the runway for a hundred years so that even though I run from Terminal F to Terminal B as fast as my little legs can take me, they are already folding in the fold-up stairs when I arrive breathless at the gate. And then it turns out that that's not even my plane, they actually already left (10 minutes early, check out that efficiency!) but luckily the nice lady rebooks me for another flight. And I now have time to use the super-awesome, super-technological, self-sanitizing rotating toilet seat covers native to the O'Hare Airport (thought this narrative could use a little bright spot).

Approx. 7pm: I'm finally here, hooray! Just need to grab my bag and then this hellish adventure will be over, except why are you stopping the baggage conveyor so soon? I haven't gotten my bag yet, you see. Oh, so you don't have it, customer service? And you don't have any idea where it is, huh. Even though I checked it plane-side, right, right. So you'll let me know if it shows up but no guarantees, uh-huh, ok. Yeah sure, I won't sue, what's a tiny glitch like this when here comes Jdub, all sweaty and glowing from the skies!

9pm: Anonymous passenger returns my bag - it was an accident, they say, they look just like each other. Whatever, man. All I have to say is my netflix better still be in there.

For a few days there is peace, and there is bliss.

Monday, July 4, 6pm: Welp, I better go print my boarding passes for tomorrow...
...No boarding pass for Dothan to Atlanta, huh? Now that's odd. I could've sworn it's leaving in less than 24 hours which means I should be able to - oh, we botched the dates? Oh, this flight accidentally got booked for Wednesday instead of tomorrow? Which means I need a way to get to Atlanta to make my Atlanta flight tomorrow, yes. And cause I used the name-your-own-price feature of priceline, my Atlanta flight is absolutely non-cancellable. And people say long-distance relationships are difficult!

6:30pm: Well, I was really hoping to avoid the bus this time, but I guess I have no choice - Jdub is back to being locked into rigid flight schedules and can't spare 8 hours to drive me to Atlanta. Bus ride booked for Atlanta, leaving tonight at 2am. Jdub's friend, let's call him Hank, is recruited to take me to the station in Dothan. Good thing I love travel. Good thing Jdub has some money to burn.

11:00pm: I call Hank to confirm that we are leaving in a little over an hour for the station. Confirmed, back to bed for a few more minutes.

Tuesday, July 5, 12:45am: I call Hank again to make sure he is awake and about ready to come pick me up for our trip to the station. He is.

1:15am: Hank is MIA. I decide not to worry just yet.

1:30am: Where is Hank? You know, I really didn't want to ride that sketchy bus, anyway.

1:45am: Yep, there's no way I'm making this bus tonight.

2am: Dealing with this mess in the morning, goodnight.

9am: Hank calls apologetically, saying he fell asleep shortly after I called him last night. I tell him quite honestly that it's all good, because, have you ever actually ridden greyhound? How about in the middle of the night through the deep south?

9am-1pm: Arrangements, arrangements, money leaving Jdub's credit card, calling and apologizing to boss-doing, buying new bus ticket because the one bought last night can't be transferred, new bus ticket bought, new plane ticket bought, it's freaking hot in here cause the aircon don't work, and we're done.

And that, folks, is how I came to justify myself in plopping down on this Alabama carpet while Jdub is at school, for the purpose of resuming my weeklong Rocky obsession and finding some solace in the Italian Stallion's unimaginative yet comforting aphorisms. Soon Jdub will be home and we will study transmission oil temps till we pass out, and we will do this every day until I leave, for reals this time, next week.

You see, in all the struggle, I have finagled myself another week with my favorite person.

Everything usually does kinda work out, huh?


Ian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karrot Soup said...

Dang it, I thought I cut-and-pasted my deleted comment as Ian, and it was rockin' cool and long and I won't type it all over again as me...but in short, only you, Mish, only you. And also, despite the best airport bathrooms anywhere, avoid Chicago connecting flights at all costs.

Corinne said...

Michelle, that sounds awful. I'm glad the destination is good at any rate.

For anyone interested, I looked up an O'Hare toilet seat on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6PDMeGgzcs Excellent sanitation...I'm not even sure if I washed my hands between being licked by doggie and eating these craisins.

Also, I admire your writing style in this and previous posts. Thoughtful, funny, and engaging. Along with family-historying and enchiladas, you could do some professional writing.

I love you! That is to say, I feel like you are awesome, and I hope you are happy. I think saying "I love you" is also a way of saying "I want to be with you" which makes it a very appropriate thing to say to the Lord.

Maybe I should have commented on multiple posts. Oh well.

Kyle said...

What the heck was this trip? Thankfully I already know you made it home safe and sound, but I am dearly sorry your travels were so struggly. That was way too much mafan for being not in China. -T