Everyone: I think I'm dying. Over the last few days I've been getting all these weird symptoms and it makes no sense and I need your medical wisdom! Also I wanted to say goodbye and thanks for all the memories!

Symptoms:
-extremely sore obliques (this could be a side effect of pilates the other day, but there's really no way of knowing)
-random itchy bites ALL OVER (it's possible I have bed bugs)
-right side of jaw is extremely sore (this actually is really weird)
-oppressive fullness feeling/pressure like I just got back from Golden Corral, even though all I've eaten today is a few bites of Cream of Wheat.
-intermittent bouts of being really cold
-there's nail polish ALL over my hands. This may be a result of a failed attempt at marbling (pinterest made it look so easy)



If anyone can decipher these clues, please let me know what you find out. Until then, I will be here...finalizing my will...overseeing some last minute preparation on that Cold Stone raid...