One morning, maybe two months ago, I woke up with the distinct sense that my actions that day would be inconsequential. I mean, temporally speaking. I knew that it really didn't matter how I did at school that day, what I got done, what I didn't get done, what sort of interactions I had with the people around me, how far I ran or what I ate. None of these things amounted to anything important. They were just motions to go through, all laid out for me to help me achieve the one really meaningful purpose, and that is to return with honor. And that's what every day is, an endless stream of opportunities to prove myself, to learn and grow and become the kind of being who will one day be exalted. I honestly think the Lord couldn't care less about what grade I get in Engl 202 this semester, so long as taking the class has somehow made me more likely to get back to Him. So long as you make it home safe, does it really matter by which route you got there? I don't know what provoked my mind to think such crazy things at 6:30 in the morning, but it did, and I was so grateful. It was such a novel and refreshing truth. Of course, it was gone within five minutes and I was back to worrying about what I needed to to do that day, what does so-and-so think of me, will I get to take a nap this afternoon. That's the veil, I suppose - some days diaphanous, some days a little more opaque.
I feel like this blog is fast becoming a lite version of Musings on Mormonism. Lately it seems I've been coming up short on quirky things to blog about and am instead inundated with thoughts that strike me as minor epiphanies. Unfortunately, I'm pretty lazy if you didn't know. It takes work to translate epiphanies into pretty words. I wish there were an automatic transcriber hooked up on one end to my mind and on the other end to my keyboard, wouldn't that be nice? Think of all the great thoughts we think throughout the day that inevitably float away into the abyss, simply because we weren't able to get to a word document in time. I hope at the very least that my personal unrecorded epiphanies have been stored away somewhere in the recesses of my brain, to be accessed at a later time. Otherwise, that would just be a total waste. I hate waste. It's my mother's fault.
Anyhow, due to lack of time and mental drive, I'm not going to expound any of my existential thoughts today. But, I thought I'd compile a list of them so I don't forget, in case I ever decide to materialize them in the blogosphere.
1. Mankind's vacillation between distress and boredom (Schopenhauer). 2. Why do we pray for happiness and health when these things are irrelevant to our eternal progression? 3. It's just pain. 4. Daily acts of living - they're all beside the point. 5. Gratitude - undervalued until now. 6. Life experience and effective learning.
I recognize that some of this stuff is old hat to my readers. But they're epiphanies to me, ok? Someday I'll blog about them and thereby consummate them in my mind.
In other news, is school really still happening? Really? Still? Also, love-of-my-life-Carol is coming tomorrow! Man I love that kid.
Peace out Napoleon.
P.S. Did you know there are no normal synonyms for 'epiphany'? Trust me, I tried, and I got weird words like 'angelophany' and 'afflatus'. Pretty sure if I used the word 'afflatus' in my blog people would stone me. All right, bye for reals now.
You know what's crazy? Life is crazy. I know people always say that, and it's like yeah, it's true, life is crazy, but then something crazy actually happens to you and you're like, whoa. Life really is crazy. I mean, I knew it was, but now I see it really is. It's not what I expected. It's more than I ever dared to imagine. It always catches me off guard.
That's all you get for today, sorry.
Also, if all goes well, Brenda should be receiving my letter today. I'll keep you posted.
Remember a while back when those "25 Things About Me" lists were all the rage on facebook? Remember? The idea was to compose a list of 25 little-known, fun facts about yourself and then tag some other people to do it, and the idea was that everyone got to know each other a little better; also, you got a chance to talk about yourself. I never did one of those myself, because I hate conformity, but the truth is that I love things like that. I love fun facts. I love fill-in-the-blank get-to-know-yous. I could fill those things out all day. When I was little I used to make stats lists about myself all the time - "Favorite color in 1998", "Favorite animal in 1st grade", that kind of thing. Is that weird? I just love the idea of having a composite picture of myself on paper. It feels so secure. There I am, in this many words. There's nothing nebulous about it.
Unfortunately, I'm also painfully conscious of the fact these things are typically outlets for the self-obsessed, so I try to limit how often I do them. I hate the thought of being perceived as self-obsessed.
But I figure a sufficient amount of time has passed since the peak of this particular craze ...you'll forgive me if I indulge, right? Can I claim as a saving grace the fact that I like reading other peoples' as much as I like doing them myself? Can I? Can I have it? Can I? Ok whatever, I'm just going to do it.
25 Things About Mish
1. Like I said, I hate conformity. Being the same as everyone else, being predictable - these are some of my greatest fears.
2. Also like I said, I hate the thought of being perceived as self-obsessed. My greatest interpersonal fear is that someone will think I'm conceited.
3. I love eyelets and lacy things. I'm girly that way.
4. I can't stand to sit on a seat that has been pre-warmed by someone else's butt-heat.
5. I love making lists.
6. I secretly wish I was Rory Gilmore.
7. I'm a selective germaphobe; that is, I regularly eat food off the floor, but I recoil from touching knobs and handles of any kind.
8. I want people to like me.
9. I can't swallow pills.
10. It may take me a while to warm up to you, but once I decide to commit, I am a golden retriever. Occasionally a barnacle.
11. Mascots, Chuck E. Cheese, and pretty much any other person dressed in a huge costume scare me.
12. I am impulsive.
13. I hate it when the audience starts clapping "to the beat" of whatever musical thing is occurring on stage. Please don't ever do that to me if we're sitting next to each other when this happens.
14. I have never successfully blown my nose.
15. I like to take care of people.
16. I have a chapstick fetish.
17. I like arranging, organizing, and alphabetizing. E.g., my closet is arranged in perfect ROYGBIV order.
18. I'm a blue/white, amiable/analytical, INFJ, Type B introvert.
19. I almost always cry in movies when an innocent animal dies.
20. I have this recurring nightmare in which I've somehow ended up behind the wheel, alone, except that I have no idea how to drive, and I'm panicking, and I don't know where I'm going, and it usually ends in some kind of fiery crash.
21. I have a soft spot for elderly men.
22. It annoys me when people start packing up early before a class ends.
23. I think I have a mild fruit allergy.
24. I prefer to eat my ice cream with a fork.
25. I can pogo stick like nobody's business.
Man, that was way too much fun. I tag SKISLN, Karrot Soup, Recoupin', Stranded, Musings, and anyone else who reads this blog!
The other day some of you received ecstatic texts from me proclaiming that I was having lunch with Bee Money. Some of you were confused. Most of you were stoked. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, this is Bee Money:
It is no exaggeration to say that this guy is the most famous individual in all of Utah county. The brotha has facebook friends in the thousands. His videos are youtube sensations, at least in the BYU community. He has his own clothing line. He is an absofetchinlute legend.
Needless to say, when I happened to come across him on my way home from school Thursday afternoon, I could barely believe my luck. I was stricken with the most severe case of celebrity fever I've had since that pioneer visit to Krispy Kreme years ago (yes, that was the same visit in which I may or may not have cried upon my first bite of doughnut). The truth is that Carol and myself had become obsessed with this guy last summer, and had spent quite a few days trying to track him down and be his BFFs. It didn't work out then, but now I know, like so many other fated life events, that it was just a matter of timing.
Bee Money and I hit it off immediately. We got a table at J-Dawg's and he read me the draft of his forthcoming hit single (if you ask me, that thing is ready to roll). We shared life stories. We talked about some of the things that really matter. We said goodbye only on the condition that we simply must hang out again, and soon. Now he calls me daily. We have scheduled a hang-out for later this week, and he has invited me to sing in his upcoming album. I am finally a Bee Honey, and so happy to be.
That's right, it's CP Day! Don't feel bad if you didn't know, it's an Illinois thing apparently. I was just excited because I CAN TOTALLY PLAY THIS SONG ON MY GUITAR NOW! I was going to put up a video of my sweet skills but then decided that would be a little too myspacey. Sufjan does a better job anyway .
Anyhow, I love Gatorade, and two more cards from Brenda today, and I decided that I'm going to stop being such a flaky person who tries to please everyone and simultaneously lets everyone down, and also The Hudsucker Proxy is my new favorite movie. Also, more depth-y posts are still to come, don't worry, but I didn't get my mid-morning nap today, so, needless to say, I have some catching up to do. Later, yo.