Life at Sea

(Facebook just got deluged with about 700 of these pictures yesterday, but I thought I'd post a sampling here for the two of you who don't have facebook).

So, I went on a cruise last week. I went with my BFF Carol, her mom H., and H's friend P. Needless to say, it was the happiest place on earth. Yes, even happier than Disneyland. I know of a couple sisters of mine who might be liable to disown me for that statement, but I can no longer honestly vow otherwise. A cruise is truly the happiest place on earth. In pictures, here's what we did:

We spent a lot of time just being ridiculously happy about the fact that we were on a cruise.

We looked at the pretty water below us.

We went on a crazy whirlwind cab ride through Mazatlan.

We were spazzes on the beach in Mazatlan.

We went snorkeling in Cabo.

We lounged in our room.

We docked in Puerto Vallarta.

(by the way, these are not in chronological order at all)

We saw really pretty rock formations and ocean splash-ations in Cabo.

We guzzled approximately 50 virgin piña coladas.

We hung out on the top deck where all the action happened.

(don't worry, it got sunnier as the week went on, so these laying out people got what they came for).



We marveled at how huge and pretty our ship was (the "Sapphire Princess").



We walked around Mazatlan and dodged vendors.

We fell in love with the Maitre d' (ok, so maybe that was just me)

We signed H. up for karaoke and she humored us with some lovely Patsy Cline.

We got randomly screamed at by this bum in Mazatlan - very possibly the best part of the trip.

I fell in love (again), this time with an iguana on the beach in Mazatlan.

We hung out on the top deck some more when it was all pretty and nighttimey and secluded.

We took a really fun, really fast speed boat to get to the snorkeling spots in Cabo.

We watched a fruit and veggie carving demonstration.

We ate frog legs.

We dressed up for formal night.

We delighted in our Filipino waiter, Elvis (especially when he walked around wielding a baked alaska like that)

We got to hang with dolphins, and here's the proof

We watched a cultural performance

as well as a dance party hosted by Satan

then we got pulled up to dance with Satan.

We attended another dance party on the ship and it was out of control.

We found a crucifix on the beach (but were unable to lift it).

We ate caviar (I don't recommend).

We were best friends forever.

This is Cabo.

We got fried.

We took full advantage of the 24hr. buffet

We got off the ship in Puerto Vallarta.

We loved our lives in Mazatlan some more.

We bartered, and won.

And pretty much it was the happiest thing that's ever happened to me and I'm sad that real life is happening again. Also, I'm trying to convince Ma and Fa that they should go on a cruise, because I think they would seriously love it, so if you wouldn't mind helping me convince them, that's be great.

Viva Mexico!

Petit à Petit

Attention, application, accuracy, method, punctuality, and dispatch are the principal qualities required for the efficient conduct of business of any sort… They are little things, it is true; but human life is made up of comparative trifles. It is the repetition of little acts which constitutes not only the sum of human character, but which determines the character of nations. And where men or nations have broken down, it will almost invariably be found that neglect of little things was the rock on which they split...Fifteen minutes a day devoted to self-improvement, will be felt at the end of the year.

-Samuel Smiles

I think Samuel and I would have been friends, were he around today (I actually have no idea who he is or whether he's still alive or not). I've always taken great comfort in the concept of taking things day by day, hour by hour, etc., and in the value that can come from the little things we do to fill up those moments. And yeah, I know that physically speaking we have no choice but to live life one moment at a time, but I'm talking about the mental attitude here, people.



I'm almost positive that my inclination to this attitude is something I've picked up from a few years of needing to cope. Where my fellow depressives at?! Can you all back me up when I assert that when you are depressed, you MUST live this way? There is no other way, you'll surely go crazy if you attempt to consider anything beyond now. Exhibit A from my journal a few months ago:

As cliche as it is, I continue to take the most comfort in subdividing my day into single moments that I must get through - taking it one day (or moment) at a time. Right now, I am focusing on getting through my next class. And then I will focus on getting through the hour between that class and my next class. And so forth. And even though it's easy to look ahead and feel overwhelmed at all the thousands and thousands of moments there are to get through, it is sometimes enough to take it just that gradually. It's not only enough; it's sometimes the only way I can fathom doing any of this.



I always thought Michael Cunningham expressed it perfectly in The Hours:

But there are the hours, aren’t there? One and then another, and you get through that one and then, my god, there’s another. I’m so sick.

So that's where it comes from. Even now, though, when things are better and I am functioning normally, I find that I need to have specific plans to pass my days. No, not only that, but I must have tangible items to cross off my to-do list every day or else I will feel like crap. And since I also tend to be very quickly overwhelmed, sometimes my to-do list consists of things like “shower” “take meds” “feed Mo” and “go to bed early”. It works for me. So be it. And when I'm feeling especially stable I try to do as many worthwhile, self-improving things as I can. I figure as long as I do something, or a combination of things, every day, that improve me in some way, then I am doing ok. Great things happen over time anyway, right? It has to be that our day-to-day to-do lists are micro and unimpressive. This is what I say to reassure myself. This is why I think Samuel and I would have been friends.

And meanwhile, I continue to strive to inhabit each of these moments, and to love each one, knowing that they are all mine, and all I really have. The Hours again:

I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.

They say that money can't buy happiness. But money can buy ice cream, and I'm not ready to live in a world where there's a difference.

Thanks for your prayers, folks. I ran, I conquered, and I certainly couldn't have done it without my fabulous fan club. It was great to see you, parents! Cheering loved ones along the course really makes all the difference. But holy cow, that hurt. I am having serious doubts as to the value of this masochistic habit I'm developing.

Finals are over, mazel tov! I love mint oreos! Boys still make me sad! But, T-minus one week until Carol and myself hit the high seas for our super happy fun rad Mexican cruise! Man, I didn't realize it until Jack brought it up, but things really do even out.

Here's some wise words from our pal Rainer Maria Rilke:

People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must hold to that which is difficult; everything alive holds to it…we know little, but that we must hold to what is difficult is a certainty that will not forsake us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.

I'm scared.

Not to be a whiner, but seriously, what cruel demon of fate decided that in anticipation of the marathon that is taking place FLIPPING TOMORROW, I should experience some random lower back pain, ankle soreness, and hip flexor angry-ness out of nowhere?! Sorry for the convoluted sentence, but do you understand why this outrages me and simultaneously makes me fear for my life? I've never had back pain before. My hips are usually fine. I haven't even run very much this last week because I've been trying to let it heal. No dice.

What I'm really trying to say here, folks, is that I need your prayers. They say that the second marathon is easier, but then, I didn't have any bodily aches or pains going INTO that one, now, did I. Plus I was physically ready because I'd actually been training that week.

I'm scared.




And by the way, I went biking this week for the first time in...well I just did, and how come no one ever told me that it's way more fun and easier than running? What have I been doing?!

So tired.

uh-huh.

Trying to be Profound

One morning, maybe two months ago, I woke up with the distinct sense that my actions that day would be inconsequential. I mean, temporally speaking. I knew that it really didn't matter how I did at school that day, what I got done, what I didn't get done, what sort of interactions I had with the people around me, how far I ran or what I ate. None of these things amounted to anything important. They were just motions to go through, all laid out for me to help me achieve the one really meaningful purpose, and that is to return with honor. And that's what every day is, an endless stream of opportunities to prove myself, to learn and grow and become the kind of being who will one day be exalted. I honestly think the Lord couldn't care less about what grade I get in Engl 202 this semester, so long as taking the class has somehow made me more likely to get back to Him. So long as you make it home safe, does it really matter by which route you got there? I don't know what provoked my mind to think such crazy things at 6:30 in the morning, but it did, and I was so grateful. It was such a novel and refreshing truth. Of course, it was gone within five minutes and I was back to worrying about what I needed to to do that day, what does so-and-so think of me, will I get to take a nap this afternoon. That's the veil, I suppose - some days diaphanous, some days a little more opaque.

Ok, now for some light-hearted fun, go here.

To-do

I feel like this blog is fast becoming a lite version of Musings on Mormonism. Lately it seems I've been coming up short on quirky things to blog about and am instead inundated with thoughts that strike me as minor epiphanies. Unfortunately, I'm pretty lazy if you didn't know. It takes work to translate epiphanies into pretty words. I wish there were an automatic transcriber hooked up on one end to my mind and on the other end to my keyboard, wouldn't that be nice? Think of all the great thoughts we think throughout the day that inevitably float away into the abyss, simply because we weren't able to get to a word document in time. I hope at the very least that my personal unrecorded epiphanies have been stored away somewhere in the recesses of my brain, to be accessed at a later time. Otherwise, that would just be a total waste. I hate waste. It's my mother's fault.

Anyhow, due to lack of time and mental drive, I'm not going to expound any of my existential thoughts today. But, I thought I'd compile a list of them so I don't forget, in case I ever decide to materialize them in the blogosphere.

To Blog

1. Mankind's vacillation between distress and boredom (Schopenhauer).
2. Why do we pray for happiness and health when these things are irrelevant to our eternal progression?
3. It's just pain.
4. Daily acts of living - they're all beside the point.
5. Gratitude - undervalued until now.
6. Life experience and effective learning.

I recognize that some of this stuff is old hat to my readers. But they're epiphanies to me, ok? Someday I'll blog about them and thereby consummate them in my mind.

In other news, is school really still happening? Really? Still? Also, love-of-my-life-Carol is coming tomorrow! Man I love that kid.

Peace out Napoleon.

P.S. Did you know there are no normal synonyms for 'epiphany'? Trust me, I tried, and I got weird words like 'angelophany' and 'afflatus'. Pretty sure if I used the word 'afflatus' in my blog people would stone me. All right, bye for reals now.