Wednesday, September 28, 2011


You know that thing where you go around seeing the world a certain way, and everything is accurate and makes sense and it only rarely occurs to you that maybe things are different than how you perceive them? And then something happens to shake you out of your paradigm and you're all whoa, I've been totally oblivious. And suddenly your world is slightly different. It's a new world. It has sandy beaches and looks like Asia, probably.

For example, the other day I was dutifully applying concealer to the unders of my eyes, when I remembered I had recently heard somewhere that dark circles are caused by delicate blood vessels that break and bleed and pool there under your eyes (yum). I realized then that I had never actually checked to see if my eye skin was dark.


And then, the thought came to me that maybe the problem is not that I have delicate eye vessels, but that my eyes actually jut out so much that they cast a shadow. Inspecting further, I found significant support for this theory. But just to be sure, I had Carol perform an exam.

It maybe looked something like this. Except with more emphasis on me pulling my undereye skin out so she could inspect its pallor.

Sure enough, she confirmed my undereye skin to be peachy-fleshy-toned, not blood-pooly-black.

Now, about here you're maybe wondering what difference any of this makes. Don't I still have to apply concealer?

Yes. Yes I do. The point is, my world is expanded. One day I was walking around thinking something was a certain way, and suddenly it wasn't true. And maybe I never would have even made that discovery, if my thoughts hadn't gone that particular route. What if I had gone my whole life thinking I had delicate undereye blood vessels?! Can you imagine how many delusions you're operating under right now, this very minute?

>another Columbus joke to tie in the title of this post<

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Everyone: I think I'm dying. Over the last few days I've been getting all these weird symptoms and it makes no sense and I need your medical wisdom! Also I wanted to say goodbye and thanks for all the memories!

-extremely sore obliques (this could be a side effect of pilates the other day, but there's really no way of knowing)
-random itchy bites ALL OVER (it's possible I have bed bugs)
-right side of jaw is extremely sore (this actually is really weird)
-oppressive fullness feeling/pressure like I just got back from Golden Corral, even though all I've eaten today is a few bites of Cream of Wheat.
-intermittent bouts of being really cold
-there's nail polish ALL over my hands. This may be a result of a failed attempt at marbling (pinterest made it look so easy)

If anyone can decipher these clues, please let me know what you find out. Until then, I will be here...finalizing my will...overseeing some last minute preparation on that Cold Stone raid...

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Internship Love

Hey, I made it through my last first week of school! And it wasn't even that struggled! Any first week of school that doesn't end with me crouched in the corner eating my hair is a good first week of school.

Here's what going to be awesome about my last semester: Internships. Yes that's right, multiple internships. I know, I was surprised too. What started out as my semester of chill became, about halfway through the week, my semester of extremely busy/how in the heck am I going to manage this. But the good news is, so far I love it. Do you guys know how much I love old people? I love 'em. Let me tell you why.

1) They are stinkin' cute. Those sweater vests. The corny jokes. The hunched backs, looking so much like wise old tortoises when they scoot down the hall with their's too much.

2) They are REAL. I love how the social graces fall away with age, how they're not afraid to say what they're thinking, how they seem to just plain stop caring what other people think. True, sometimes this quality comes at the expense of common civility, but I think it's still worth it.

3) They are hilarious. Check my most recent fb status update for clarification.

4) They emanate wisdom and dignity. Sitting on the bus yesterday as we traversed the winding roads of Heber Valley, a bunch of bobbing white-haired heads all around me and oldies in our ears, I was o'ercome with a feeling of perfect harmony. These people I get to associate with are the survivors. They have lived, loved, struggled, endured, experienced all there is to experience in this life, and you can see it in their faces. And now, having lived through the most dynamic century in the history of the earth, their lives converge on this scenic bus ride. It's the highlight of their day, and most of all, it is enough. The appreciation of simple pleasures. The quiet gratitude for a full and fruitful life. Eyes and hearts pointed heavenward. Isn't the ABA pattern of our lives just beautiful? You know, naked as we came, all that stuff?! I JUST FEEL SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP COMPANY WITH THE GREATEST PEOPLE EVER, AAHHH!

So I'm probably still stuck in the enchantment stage and will most likely be ranting in about a month about how nasty and ungrateful old people are*. But for now, love. Just love.

In addition, I will most likely be doing my second internship with the Utah County Crisis Line, so pretty much my internships are as relevant to my interests as they could possibly get. I am just blessed, that's all.

*While there is indeed nothing cuter than a sweet and sincere interaction with an old person, there is also probably nothing scarier than getting yelled at by an old person. Which happens...a lot. It's good for me, though. I've always been too sensitive to criticism.

Edit 9/5/11: So actually old people make me cry. So much so that I have to leave early cause the tears are a-comin' and I'm going to make a scene if I don't run to my car NOW. It's going to be a loooooong semester.