Coworker this morning: "Hey, can you look at that chart over there on the bulletin board, the one that says where to give unusual mail?"
Me: (refers to piece of paper on bulletin board titled, 'Unusual Mail') "Yeah."
Coworker: "Who does it say to give creepy handwriting from Canada to?"
Me: (finds line where someone has written "creepy handwriting from Canada --> Admissions") "Admissions."
Coworker: "K, thanks."
Intrigued, I ask to be able to examine this unusual, apparently common, piece of mail. Sure enough, it is from Canada. And yes, the handwriting is pretty creepy. It is addressed to "Bringham Young University."
Coworker: "Yeah, we've been getting these ever since I've worked here."
The real jackpot appears when we decide to help Admissions out and open the envelope ourselves.
Inside we find a generic, 90's-style, fold-out sympathy card, reciting things like "Our loved ones leave the world, but never our hearts" and other such corny adages. And then....
"To this may concern
I am leaving my apartment
The Osmonds' parents are
Dead. My parents are dead.
I miss my Mom.
The Osmonds are married.
I can't meet Donny Osmond.
Please give this card
To the Osmond Family.
Donny and Marie Osmond
Are in Les Vegas.
I hate Goderich."
(this last part had us puzzled until we realized that the card was sent from Goderich, Ontario)
"Brenda C--" (I have abbreviated the culprit's name for privacy's sake)
I feel for Brenda, I really do. That sucks that her parents are dead, and that she misses her mom. And I know what it's like to hate your current place of residence, too, Brenda. So I'm happy for her. She says she's leaving her apartment, and this detail is confirmed on the front of the envelope as well (you can see it in the lower left corner). Way to take your life by the horns, Brenda.
The question is, how do I go about notifying Donny and Marie of this address change? I should probably start by forwarding this on to Les Vegas.
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