Ok, that does it.

So there's this social phenomenon going around that I'd like to address. We are all familiar with it. We are all so acquainted with it, in fact, that we probably didn't even notice how awkward it is anymore. Except for me. I notice. I notice, and I say, it has to stop.

I call it "The Long Path". The long path is any time you are walking somewhere and someone is walking in the opposite direction, towards you. At what point do you make eye contact? When do you smile? And what if it's someone you actually know, then what? How long do you wait before you link eyes and acknowledge each other? Am I the only who gets stressed out by this EVERY SINGLE TIME? Sometimes it is possible to defer the whole situation by pretending you didn't see them, or are otherwise occupied. But this option is rendered null as soon as you make eye contact. Say you make eye contact 100 hundred feet away, and this person is an acquaintance, so you know you're going to have to formally acknowldge them. But are you seriously going to just hold that eye contact all the way until you're close enough to actually speak to one another? No. Of course you're not. That would be a long path of awkward. So instead you both quickly avert your eyes and keep walking, not to reunite eye contact until you are close enough to actually say hello. But come on you guys, who are you kidding?! You both saw each other, now you're going to pretend that you didn't? Come on now. So awkward.

The thing is, I don't see any reasonable solution. My M.O. is usually to feign obliviousness, keeping my eyes busy at all times scanning the scenery around me and avoiding faces. Unfortunately it doesn't take long for this method to feel pathetically contrived, and seriously, no one is that interested in scenery, especially when it's the same scenery you see every flipping day when you walk this route.

So the other option, then, would be simply to throw out all these inhibitions and just be friendly, right? Just hold that eye contact. Save yourself some work, keep your face in a perpetual smile so you don't have to time it perfectly every time you cross paths with someone. Remember, sometimes the best act of service you can perform is just to smile at someone! And I'm sure some people live by this, and it works great for them. The problem is that I am not that person. While optimism and cheeriness are virtues I certainly respect, sincerity is one I esteem even higher.

And then we start descending into all that messy business of social etiquette and customs, which most of us seem to agree are unfortunate, yet necessary. I really hate that when people ask me how I am, I have to say 'good' even if I'm not, but that's how the cookie crumbles. I hate that when I say, "How are you?" I'm really just saying, "Oh, hi there." Pero, que sera sera.

If anyone has any alternate suggestions, please let me know. Until then, enjoy your long paths everyone.

more from The Four Loves. How does Clive be so awesome?

"In words which can still bring tears to my eyes, St. Augustine describes the desolation in which the death of his friend Nebridius plunged him (Confession IV, 10). Then he draws a moral. This is what comes, he says, of giving one's heart to anything but God. All human beings pass away. Do not let your happiness depend on something you may lose. If love is to be a blessing, not a misery, it must be for the only Beloved who will never pass away.

Or course, this is excellent sense. Don't put your goods in a leaky vessel. Don't spend too much on a house you may be turned out of. And there is no man alive who responds more naturally than I do to such canny maxims. I am a safety-first creature. Of all arguments against love none makes so strong an appeal to my nature as "Careful! This might lead you to suffering."

To my nature, my temperament, yes. Not to my conscience. When I respond to that appeal I seem to myself to be a thousand miles away from Christ. If I am sure of anything I am sure that His teaching was never meant to confirm my congenital preference for safe investments and limited liabilities. I doubt whether there is anything in me that pleases Him less. And who could conceivably begin to love God on such a prudential ground -- because the security (so to speak) is better? Who could even include it among the grounds for loving? Would you choose a wife or a Friend -- if it comes to that, would you choose a dog -- in this spirit? One must be outside the world of love, of all loves, before one thus calculates."

C.S. Wisdom

Long time no post, sorry loyal fans. I struggle determining which things in my life are post-worthy, and when I think I've found something I am usually met with a sudden blast of sheepish humility, so then I just forget it and go eat ice cream instead. Given that this is the pattern, it would certainly appear that the whole blog thing is not for me.

Until I was thumbing through my favorite work of C.S. Lewis the other day, The Four Loves, and was reacquainted with this little gem:

"Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness. If a man is not uncalculating towards the earthly beloveds whom he has seen, he is none the more likely to be so towards God whom he has not. We shall draw nearer to God not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it." pg. 92

Well shoot, Clive, you sure know how to speak to my soul. I'm sorry to say that my cursory experiences in this realm have left me somewhat, probably unduly, jaded, and rife with all sorts of mental and emotional armour. Clive brings me back to what it's all about.

I should still keep some armour though, right? You can't go out into that big, scary dating world with just a loin cloth, now, can you? (Pardon the unsettling image)

I have much to learn.

He Was Amazing!

More pix, and a pep talk

This was at mile 18 when I first made contact with TKEEC. Apparently they had been following me for about a mile in snail-slow traffic, but I was jamming out to my ipod so I didn't hear them until they drove right up next to me screaming. It was so great to see them! Their raucous support gave me the push I needed to make it through the next 8.2 miles of death.

This is how I felt at mile 24.

One bite of chocolate peanut butter Clif bar, one suppression of nausea, and one cup of gatorade - and we're off!

Here's a a rear shot of the one from last post. Woohoo!

Thanks to everyone for your support and congratulations. Without waxing too corny, I will say that the significance of this accomplishment, for me, extends far past physical training and endurance. Marathons are without a doubt a mental affair. And yes, it can be argued that those who choose to run them are certifiably insane. Still, I knew going into this and I know now that the completion of this marathon would be as much a triumph of the brain as of the body, and now I have hope once more that I am in control of both. Game on, Mish's brain. Game on.

I'd also like to add that if I can do this, you all can. Seriously. I highly encourage each of you to throw out your preconceived limitations and rethink what you're capable of. I will be running the SLC marathon next April and I would love to have a running buddy this time :)

Shout-out to brother S. on his upcoming marathon this weekend! I have you to thank for giving me the notion in the first place. You're going to own that thing.

ADRIAN!

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Gonna Fly Now

Foreshadow? Not likely. Still, this little piece of nostalgia gives me hope that despite my egregious lack of training, I still have it in me. Knee braces, don't let me down. Vaseline, stay by my side. Gatorade, be my beacon and guide the way. After all this I consecrate my fate to that running deity who doubtless knows what it is like to hit the wall, and whom I consequently trust will be merciful.