Matters of Business

Before I begin my Nat-training regimen, I just have a few assorted thoughts to put on paper, if you will, thoughts that I didn't think were very becoming of a blog like Nat's. Actually what I'm really doing is letting myself off the hook cause all I plan to do is get these thoughts/statements out there without bothering to elaborate, clarify, or justify myself. Sweet.

1. You know how we seem to have this reality that exists outside of all our thoughts, the objective "things as they really are"? Why is that reality so hard to penetrate? I feel like my reality, anyway, is composed of mortar and brick. Whenever I read a really inspiring article, for instance, that goes radically against my general outlook and motivates me to start thinking a different way. Or whenever I get to experience a particularly good class lecture, or Relief Society lesson, or what have you. But for the sake of brevity let's go back to the inspiring article scenario. So I'm sitting there at the computer, absorbed in this exciting bubble of inspiration.
Eventually I have to get up from the computer and go about the rest of my day, and unfortunately I always find that that bubble of inspiration pops somewhere between the ASB and the MARB, or maybe somewhere between campus and my apartment. The point is that it inevitably leaves me. That inspiring article I read not 20 minutes ago becomes only a hazy memory of something that was a nice idea, but not realistic. THIS is how things really are. Kind of like how when you're depressed, everything you think becomes truth. All those positive thoughts you once had were comforting while they lasted, but they weren't reality. When it comes down to it, THIS is what's real. THIS is what's always been real, you just got distracted for a while. I just think it's very sad, because I feel like it makes it so difficult to implement positive changes in my life. Does this ring true for anyone else/make sense to anyone else? Oh well, this is the blog post of not justifying myself, so I'll move on.

2. Is there really anyone out there who still believes in individualism? Show me that person, and I will interrogate them, and eventually I will get it out of them that in their heart of hearts, they are actually collectivists. How else do you account for the fact of our relationships being the most painful slash exultant things in our lives? Ok, so maybe I'm being excessively simplistic here, and probably don't fully understand what individualism and collectivism actually mean - but really, folks. Like it or not, relationships are what it's all about.

3. I was reading in Luke the other day about the woman who came to Jesus and bathed his feet with her tears. It's striking that she had such a complete understanding of how glorious He was and how unworthy she was in comparison, but then it occurred to me that this woman's faith was rooted in something that hadn't even happened yet. And then it made me wonder, is it harder to have faith in an Atonement that has yet to happen, or in one that supposedly happened thousands of years ago? They are both things that are not seen, so maybe one isn't harder than the other, but I do wonder. C. thinks it must've been somehow more difficult to have faith back then, which is why the Mosaic Law was implemented, but I just don't know.

4. Art. It's so cool. Basically all I was going to say about The Stranger was that it reawakened me to what good fiction is all about, at least in my opinion. It's an art form. For a long time I've sort of shunned fiction from my shelves, feeling like it was too trivial/boring because it wasn't real. But after reading this simple, 120 pg. book I realized that there's so much more to fiction than that, at least good fiction. The process of crafting a story- of developing characters, conveying very specific feelings, expressing certain meanings so poignantly - this is not easy to do, and when done well, the effect on the reader is anything but trivial.* I'm finally beginning to understand that a good novel can be just as beautiful as any Oscar-winning movie, or a truly kick-a piece of music à la Mahler. They're all art. I am humbled by this epiphany (It's actually not surprising that this realization came to me so late, seeing that artistry in general does not come easily to me. My intro to film class last semester worked me like a dog, plus I can't draw to save my life).

5. Finally, a survey: Why do you eat? How much of it is because a) You like the taste of the food you eat, b) you like the process of being satiated/don't like being hungry, c) you anticipate long-term benefits like the effect is has on your body/mood/health, or d) you like the process of chewing and swallowing something? I'm assuming, of course, that most of you have motivations outside of basic survival. My personal breakdown of the four motivations is 40%, 20%, 0%, and 40%, respectively (which, coincidentally, is why I'll never be skinny). Oh, eating.

Start getting pumped for my next post featuring a delightful romp at Smith's!

*you can do all these things in non-fiction too, of course, but it's not nearly as creative and thus not nearly as impressive.

Six Books That Have Significantly Influenced My Worldview

I'm pretty sure it was inspired when I got into a conversation one day with JJ that ended in him marching me to the bookstore and making me buy this book. Pretty sure I didn't really understand the Atonement - or the gospel, for that matter - until I read this.



Some may deem Dr. L to be heavy-handed and unreasonable, and maybe that is sometimes the case. Nevertheless, reading this book endowed me with a perspective on marriage and men that was radically different from everything I had ever believed on the subject, yet which I knew to be absolutely true. A must-read for every female.




If you read this blog at all, you know how I love this book. Solomon's exhaustive research makes it terrifically informative; personal accounts render it intensely affecting. I found the reading of this book to be cathartic without waning overly sentimental. My go-to for everything related to the big D.




Probably the single most relevant book I've read to date. The premise is simple, yet the contents quite honestly rocked my world. Pretty much the basis for everything I believe and everything I aim to do in my life. What is the myth of self-esteem, anyway? Not telling, you'll have to go here.
(Thanks to Fa for gifting me his copy, btw).



Truly, no one could have done justice to a subject like this except our man Clive. Reading it humbled me in a way that I'd never been humbled before, and my entire conception of deity has never since been the same. If you haven't read it, please do so. Now. Read it now.




Oh man. Jack helped me get in touch with a whole side of my humor I never even knew I had. Today he is my number one source for gauging wit compatibility; that is, if you find this anecdote anywhere near hilarious, it's a pretty good bet that you and I are going to be friends.

Everything is cool

Here's a brief update in "things-that-were-awesome" format:

Painting and beautifying our room was awesome.

The circus was super weird, and awesome.

This fruit basket cake I made for Carol's birthday, which happened to be vegan, which happened to be the most delicious chocolate cake anyone had ever had, was awesome.

Seeing this disturbed little man perform in concert was AWESOME.

Free tickets to Motocross was awesome.

This book was awesome.

Phoenix was much too short, but still awesome.

And those are the things that are awesome.

More Deep Thoughts

-Anna Karenina is not happening. Everyone who admired me for taking it up can just stop now because the truth is that I actually find it very, very dull and have finished 2.3 other books since the last time I picked it up, just to procrastinate reading it again.

-That granola with the flax seed that Ma bought at Costco, the one I initially snubbed my nose at because it looked healthy and claimed to relieve depression through the all-natural power of flax? Yeah, I love it. Prozac is still my gospel, but Organic Pumpkin Flax-Plus Granola with Omega-3 sure is tasty.

-I can't get enough of No Doubt's cover of It's my Life. Why is that song so good? When I listen to it, which is very often, I feel like I could be Gwen Stefani and be ok with that. Disturbing, I know, but thankfully the duration of the song is just under four minutes so the madness is over quickly enough.

-I've been crafting up a storm lately. Pictures to come soon in the Renaissance Mish post I'm planning.

-K. and I have renewed our beloved summertime pastime of watching tragic foreign films in between mail routes. Today it was To Live in an empty JKB classroom. I love my job.

-Only two weeks left of classes, and then on to Portland! I wish I could express just how mind-numbingly excited I am to conclude my summer in Carol's bedroom, surrounded by empty Propel bottles and Gilmore Girls reruns. Also just to visit my old haunts again for the first time in what's been three years but feels like much longer. And, most especially, to darken the doorway of Chang's Mongolian Grill. Scratch that, I plan on doing much more than darkening its doorway. My spirit feels instantly invigorated everytime I think about it. I am so excited I could eat my hair.

-Yoga on Mondays and Wednesdays was a good idea. My spine is so stabilized you would not believe.

-Yesterday I came home and there was a beautiful cake with silky white frosting and patriotic sprinkles sitting on the counter, and it was so beautiful in all its vibrant ethereal confection that I wanted to grab a piece and inhale, grab a piece and inhale, so I grabbed a piece and inhaled. I still don't know whose it was but I sure do love store-bought frosting. Worth it. (Side note: Which of you guys used to put a little masking-tape skull and crossbones on the frosting container to deter me from eating it straight up, finger as a utensil? Come on, 'fess up. For the record, it didn't stop me, so ha ha on you.)

Cactus Chef playing We Didn't Start the Fire on the flute.

...all right, peace.

Tagtime!

It's true, this blog does not have a very good track record so far in terms of updates, nor is it the most compelling blog to read when said updates materialize. But that's the way I roll, unassuming and timeless. I figured the pattern I'd set forth was destined to hold fast for a while, at least until I managed to secure a spouse, child, or animal (one that doesn't sleep half the year, that is) and then I remembered - I got tagged a while back! And now I have structure. So, for your reading pleasure, here is a collaboration of freestyle tag items compiled from the blogs of Recoupin' and Stranded, plus my own additions. Please, enjoy.


Three Movies/Movie Scenes that Consistently Make Me Cry:

-The Fox and the Hound - particularly the scene where she drops Todd off in the forest and leaves him there to dwindle in the rain and confusion and loneliness of the forest, and all the woodland creatures are mean to him and he doesn't have a place to sleep, you know the one

-Evita - Col. Peron sets the brake on Eva's wheelchair and begins to carry her up the stairs to bed because she's terminally ill and he loves her, even though she's dying and will no longer be an asset to his career,; that doesn't even matter, he loved her all along! Cue poignant cello music, cue blubbereing Mish

-Charly - cliche, I know, but why??? Why did Charly have to die?!




Three Things I Unequivocally Fear:

-Spiders
-Get-to-know-you games
-Sleep deprivation


Five Foods I Could Easily Subsist On Permanently:

-Crackers (specifically Wheat Thins and Cheez-its, if I'm allowed to choose)
-Chicken salad sandwiches
-Bagels
-Ice cream
-You said it, Tiff - chicken fingers with honey mustard


Three Books I'm Currently Reading or Pretending to Read:

-A Grief Observed
-Believing Christ
-my American history textbook

Five Places I Would Like to Live or Visit ('visit' here applies firmly to the last two):

-Australia
-London
-Florida
-P.E.I, Cananda
-Russia
-Malta, Moldova, or some other obscure eastern European country - just to say I have, you know?


Six Majors I've Attempted:

-Sociology
-Wildlife & Wildlands Conservation
-Biology
-Integrative Biology
-Public Health
-History

The Three Things in This Life that Unfailingly Provoke Me to Anger:

-People who smoke in tight, confined spaces (like mosh pits)
-Any and all forms of animal cruelty
-Teenage boys and their crude jokes. It isn't even the vulgarity so much that bugs me as the total lack of imagination that goes into those jokes. If you're going to be crude, at least be creative about it.

Twelve Things I Love Dearly:

-my family
-my roomies
-Mo
-ice cream
-80's music
-sunshine
-sleep
-drum cadences
-C.S. Lewis
-sweatshirts
-my straightener
-hazelnuts


















Five Lofty Aspirations That I Don't Have the Resources to Achieve Now (but hopefully someday):

-save the manatees
-support small businesses
-grow and manufacture all my own food
-get all the war vets off the streets and provided for
-befriend and nurture all the depressed, misunderstood and otherwise emo kids





Seven Things I Should Be Doing Instead of Blogging:

-looking for a job
-running
-edifying my mind
-Hist 220 homework
-volunteering at that retirement center that I made half-hearted commitments to a while back
-Buying Roomie's birthday present
-yeah, I really should be looking more actively for a job right now



Well then. Guess I'll go do those things... but before I go, I decidedly tag Ma! You're it!

Today

After my nine 'o clock class this morning I stopped by the progressive book sale outside the bookstore because today everything is 90%Off!, and do you know what I found? I'll tell you what I found; it was Love Among the Walnuts, one of my favorite books from middle school. So I bought that book, right then and there, and do you know how much I paid for it? Try 74 cents. That's right, seventy-four. 7-4. Cents. Today, I can do no wrong.