A Series of Unfortunate Events That, Mercifully, Led to Tommy Gunn

WARNING: THIS POST IS FOREVER LONG AND WHINY (but there's a hopeful ending, I promise)

Sunday, June 26, 8pm: I am skyping my Jdub (think less evangelical proselyter, more snuggly aviator) when up comes the idea to have me fly out to AL to see Jdub in action. Sounds like a swell plan, no? I hop on the priceline. I plug in the dates. I enter the card information...wait, what? Card information? Wait, I just bought a flight? Ok, I just bought a flight. See you in a few, Jdub.

10pm: Oh, so the ticket I inadvertently just bought happens to be taking place during the worst times possible, like for instance, spanning the four-day period of my first test in Psychological Testing? And it leaves at 7:20am on a weekday? And all my close-enough-to-ask-for-a-ride-to-the-airport friends are out of town? Class dropped, shuttle service booked.

10:15pm: Oh, and the flight I accidentally bought doesn't even go to where Jdub resides, but instead to Atlanta, GA which is four hours away from where he is, which he is unable to reach for another 24 hours after I arrive, due to his strict flying school and flying schedule? Oh, and there are no buses going that route that day? Uh-huh, ok.

10:30pm: Oh, and I can't rent a car to drive there myself because I'm under 25 and they charge exhorbitant fees for that, not to mention they require a credit card which I don't possess, not to mention the base fare for renting a car is actually a million dollars? Uh-huh, yes, ok, going to bed now.

Monday, June 27, 7am: You mean there's not even ONE person looking for a carpool rider from Atlanta to Dothan according to erideshare.com? Oh, and all the people offering their couches to me via couchsurf.com look like they just busted out of the county pedophile unit? All right. And hitchhiking is NOT a good idea, right Ma? All right then, if you say so.

7:30am-10pm: Some stress.

10:30pm: Jdub, really, you don't have to buy a whole nother expensive plane ticket just to get me from Atlanta to Dothan. Really, there must be some other way, that's such a waste of money. No seriously, I can find a way to get there, it's only four hours I've always wanted to explore the deep south by foot ok sounds good, I owe you buddy, see ya then.

Wednesday, June 29, 12pm: That's cool, airplane. That's cool that you disregard the importance of connecting flights and instead feel inclined to taxi on the runway for a hundred years so that even though I run from Terminal F to Terminal B as fast as my little legs can take me, they are already folding in the fold-up stairs when I arrive breathless at the gate. And then it turns out that that's not even my plane, they actually already left (10 minutes early, check out that efficiency!) but luckily the nice lady rebooks me for another flight. And I now have time to use the super-awesome, super-technological, self-sanitizing rotating toilet seat covers native to the O'Hare Airport (thought this narrative could use a little bright spot).

Approx. 7pm: I'm finally here, hooray! Just need to grab my bag and then this hellish adventure will be over, except why are you stopping the baggage conveyor so soon? I haven't gotten my bag yet, you see. Oh, so you don't have it, customer service? And you don't have any idea where it is, huh. Even though I checked it plane-side, right, right. So you'll let me know if it shows up but no guarantees, uh-huh, ok. Yeah sure, I won't sue, what's a tiny glitch like this when here comes Jdub, all sweaty and glowing from the skies!

9pm: Anonymous passenger returns my bag - it was an accident, they say, they look just like each other. Whatever, man. All I have to say is my netflix better still be in there.

For a few days there is peace, and there is bliss.

Monday, July 4, 6pm: Welp, I better go print my boarding passes for tomorrow...

...No boarding pass for Dothan to Atlanta, huh? Now that's odd. I could've sworn it's leaving in less than 24 hours which means I should be able to - oh, we botched the dates? Oh, this flight accidentally got booked for Wednesday instead of tomorrow? Which means I need a way to get to Atlanta to make my Atlanta flight tomorrow, yes. And cause I used the name-your-own-price feature of priceline, my Atlanta flight is absolutely non-cancellable. And people say long-distance relationships are difficult!

6:30pm: Well, I was really hoping to avoid the bus this time, but I guess I have no choice - Jdub is back to being locked into rigid flight schedules and can't spare 8 hours to drive me to Atlanta. Bus ride booked for Atlanta, leaving tonight at 2am. Jdub's friend, let's call him Hank, is recruited to take me to the station in Dothan. Good thing I love travel. Good thing Jdub has some money to burn.

11:00pm: I call Hank to confirm that we are leaving in a little over an hour for the station. Confirmed, back to bed for a few more minutes.

Tuesday, July 5, 12:45am: I call Hank again to make sure he is awake and about ready to come pick me up for our trip to the station. He is.

1:15am: Hank is MIA. I decide not to worry just yet.

1:30am: Where is Hank? You know, I really didn't want to ride that sketchy bus, anyway.

1:45am: Yep, there's no way I'm making this bus tonight.

2am: Dealing with this mess in the morning, goodnight.

9am: Hank calls apologetically, saying he fell asleep shortly after I called him last night. I tell him quite honestly that it's all good, because, have you ever actually ridden greyhound? How about in the middle of the night through the deep south?

9am-1pm: Arrangements, arrangements, money leaving Jdub's credit card, calling and apologizing to boss-doing, buying new bus ticket because the one bought last night can't be transferred, new bus ticket bought, new plane ticket bought, it's freaking hot in here cause the aircon don't work, and we're done.

And that, folks, is how I came to justify myself in plopping down on this Alabama carpet while Jdub is at school, for the purpose of resuming my weeklong Rocky obsession and finding some solace in the Italian Stallion's unimaginative yet comforting aphorisms. Soon Jdub will be home and we will study transmission oil temps till we pass out, and we will do this every day until I leave, for reals this time, next week.

You see, in all the struggle, I have finagled myself another week with my favorite person.

Everything usually does kinda work out, huh?

I'm scared.

Not to be a whiner, but seriously, what cruel demon of fate decided that in anticipation of the marathon that is taking place FLIPPING TOMORROW, I should experience some random lower back pain, ankle soreness, and hip flexor angry-ness out of nowhere?! Sorry for the convoluted sentence, but do you understand why this outrages me and simultaneously makes me fear for my life? I've never had back pain before. My hips are usually fine. I haven't even run very much this last week because I've been trying to let it heal. No dice.

What I'm really trying to say here, folks, is that I need your prayers. They say that the second marathon is easier, but then, I didn't have any bodily aches or pains going INTO that one, now, did I. Plus I was physically ready because I'd actually been training that week.

I'm scared.




And by the way, I went biking this week for the first time in...well I just did, and how come no one ever told me that it's way more fun and easier than running? What have I been doing?!

Ok, that does it.

So there's this social phenomenon going around that I'd like to address. We are all familiar with it. We are all so acquainted with it, in fact, that we probably didn't even notice how awkward it is anymore. Except for me. I notice. I notice, and I say, it has to stop.

I call it "The Long Path". The long path is any time you are walking somewhere and someone is walking in the opposite direction, towards you. At what point do you make eye contact? When do you smile? And what if it's someone you actually know, then what? How long do you wait before you link eyes and acknowledge each other? Am I the only who gets stressed out by this EVERY SINGLE TIME? Sometimes it is possible to defer the whole situation by pretending you didn't see them, or are otherwise occupied. But this option is rendered null as soon as you make eye contact. Say you make eye contact 100 hundred feet away, and this person is an acquaintance, so you know you're going to have to formally acknowldge them. But are you seriously going to just hold that eye contact all the way until you're close enough to actually speak to one another? No. Of course you're not. That would be a long path of awkward. So instead you both quickly avert your eyes and keep walking, not to reunite eye contact until you are close enough to actually say hello. But come on you guys, who are you kidding?! You both saw each other, now you're going to pretend that you didn't? Come on now. So awkward.

The thing is, I don't see any reasonable solution. My M.O. is usually to feign obliviousness, keeping my eyes busy at all times scanning the scenery around me and avoiding faces. Unfortunately it doesn't take long for this method to feel pathetically contrived, and seriously, no one is that interested in scenery, especially when it's the same scenery you see every flipping day when you walk this route.

So the other option, then, would be simply to throw out all these inhibitions and just be friendly, right? Just hold that eye contact. Save yourself some work, keep your face in a perpetual smile so you don't have to time it perfectly every time you cross paths with someone. Remember, sometimes the best act of service you can perform is just to smile at someone! And I'm sure some people live by this, and it works great for them. The problem is that I am not that person. While optimism and cheeriness are virtues I certainly respect, sincerity is one I esteem even higher.

And then we start descending into all that messy business of social etiquette and customs, which most of us seem to agree are unfortunate, yet necessary. I really hate that when people ask me how I am, I have to say 'good' even if I'm not, but that's how the cookie crumbles. I hate that when I say, "How are you?" I'm really just saying, "Oh, hi there." Pero, que sera sera.

If anyone has any alternate suggestions, please let me know. Until then, enjoy your long paths everyone.

Check it out!

I found this picture online a while ago for a presentation I gave on "Animal Goliaths" at the Bean Museum (they have a Saturday Safari program for kids every week that I've been able to help out with a couple times). Check out the size of the whale shark in proportion to the diver! What's more, check out the size of that stingray next to the diver! What is this world coming to.